i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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