The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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