the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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