Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
