He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
