I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
