i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
