Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He did a backflip because drugs
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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