Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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