the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
