Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
