We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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