it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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