when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
