i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
