Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
