# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
