this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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