I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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