I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
