my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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