My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the condom got lost in my hair
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
