Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
