we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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