There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize