I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
