But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
