I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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