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• (678): View more from Georgia

  why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle

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• (310): View more from California

  Where are you???

  (210): View more from Texas

  With some dude on the way to his house to blaze

  (310): View more from California

  You went back to a stranger's house????

  (210): View more from Texas

  He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.

  (310): View more from California

  I love LA.

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• (347): View more from New York

  I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.

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• (435): View more from Utah

  She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  He made me a "booty call of the year" award.

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• (619): View more from California

  His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.

  Fav 8 2718 1097

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  "Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!

  Fav 3 14 45

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