My nipple is on Facebook.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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