I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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