I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have fence marks all over my body
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
