I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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