thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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