I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
