I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
