girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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