i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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