Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
