Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
