Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize