my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
