My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
