i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
