all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
