Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
