i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize