Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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