Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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