you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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