omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
