Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
