Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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