margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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