Plan B is the new Plan A
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
