I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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