You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize