My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
