Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
