You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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