I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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