I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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