is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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