Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Randomize
