Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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