I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
