Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
