I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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