My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize