We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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