so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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