he thought i was a dude.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
