Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
