there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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