after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
