PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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