so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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