I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
