I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
