Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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