anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
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