i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
