Define "chronic" masturbator.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
