Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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